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The Responsibility We Never Applied For
I didn’t apply for this role. There was no interview, no contract, no training. Yet somehow, I became the one expected to hold everything together. The one who figures it out, stretches money, absorbs pressure, and keeps going even when it hurts. If you’re a young woman, a young mom, or a young lady trying to survive adulthood in Nairobi, this reality probably feels painfully familiar.
It starts early, long before we even have money. As girls, many of us are taught responsibility before freedom. We are told to be understanding, to be patient, to help our siblings, and not to complain. By the time we start earning, we have already learned how to carry people. Our income doesn’t arrive as freedom; it arrives with expectations. The money already has assignments before it even reaches our hands.
Carrying Everyone While Building Ourselves
Many Nairobi women quietly confess the same truth. We send money home even when rent is not fully paid. We support children, siblings, parents, and sometimes partners on starter salaries. We keep households running while trying to build careers. Because we don’t speak loudly about our struggles, people assume we are okay. Silence becomes mistaken for stability, and strength becomes something others lean on without asking how heavy it feels.
When Strength Becomes a Burden
Somewhere along the way, the idea of the “strong woman” turned into a burden. Because we manage, people believe we can always manage. Because we don’t panic, people assume we are secure. Because we show up, everyone expects us to keep showing up. Bills, emergencies, and responsibilities find their way to us first. Rest, on the other hand, feels like a luxury we are supposed to earn after exhaustion.
The Unique Weight Carried by Young Mothers
For young mothers, the weight grows even heavier. Motherhood comes with love, but it also comes with pressure, guilt, and constant financial worry. You are expected to provide, nurture, plan, sacrifice, and remain emotionally present even when support is limited and income is stretched thin. You budget with love, sacrifice silently, and carry fear quietly, yet very few conversations prepare you for how lonely this responsibility can feel.
Financial Responsibility Is Emotional Labor
Financial responsibility is not just about money. It is emotional labor. It is thinking ahead for everyone, absorbing stress so others don’t have to, saying “it’s okay” when it isn’t, and holding families together emotionally and financially at the same time. This labor is unpaid, often unacknowledged, and deeply exhausting, yet women continue to carry it because someone has to.
There is also a quiet fear many of us do not admit. The fear that if we stop, everything will collapse. The fear that choosing ourselves will disappoint people we love. The fear that resting means failing. So we keep going, even when our own foundations feel shaky, even when we are close to burnout.
Learning That Responsibility Should Not Mean Self-Erasure.
Slowly, though, a different truth begins to surface. Responsibility should not mean self-erasure. It is possible to care and still have boundaries, to love and still protect your future, to support others without sinking yourself. Being responsible does not mean being everything to everyone at the expense of your own wellbeing.
To every woman carrying too much, this is not a personal failure. You are navigating a system that quietly relies on women’s unpaid strength and emotional endurance. You are not weak for feeling tired, and you are not selfish for wanting security and rest. You deserve support too. You deserve softness too. You deserve a life where responsibility is shared, not silently dumped on your shoulders.
A Shared Reality That Deserves to Be Named
This is not just a personal story. It is a shared reality for many women, especially in cities like Nairobi, where survival is expensive, and expectations are heavy. Talking about it is not complaining; it is the first step toward change.
SHE Centre is here to help you.
Find your community at SHE Space. You were never meant to do this alone.
Under the SHE Journey Shelf, find downloadable resources and tune into The SHE Podcast to find yourself in someone else’s story.
Connect with our partner organizations who are ready to walk alongside you in this season.
Author: Rose Kungu.
