Healing Through Anxiety: Reclaiming Self-Worth and Breaking Inherited Patterns

Growing up, I didn’t know I had anxiety. I just thought everyone worried the way I did, constantly overthinking, expecting the worst, and living in a state of quiet fear.

It wasn’t until I got older, after my mother had passed, that I began to recognize the patterns in my life as signs of an anxiety disorder. Only then did I realize she, too, had struggled with anxiety, and that some of what I carried could have been inherited.

Later in life, driven by curiosity and a desire to understand myself, I began reading books on spirituality, mental health, and healing. Authors like Eckhart Tolle, David R. Hawkins, Gabor Maté, and Joe Dispenza helped me understand my nervous system, my patterns of thought, and how early experiences shape our behaviors and responses. I also sought knowledge through YouTube and other resources, always looking for ways to understand and heal myself.

The Impact of Absence

A significant part of my journey was understanding my relationship with my father, or rather, the impact of his absence.

Not seeing him around meant growing up without a clear example of a man taking responsibility or of my mother relying on him. My mother, a single parent, played both roles. I internalized the belief that I could not expect much from men, or even other people.

I learned early on that I had to be extremely self-reliant, carrying responsibilities and solving problems on my own, because I could not rely on consistent help.

This dynamic affected how I related to others, how I managed my expectations, and how I expressed my needs in relationships. I found myself people-pleasing, self-neglecting, seeking constant reassurance, and feeling afraid to ask for help because I had learned that asking could feel like being a burden.

I operated from a deep fear of rejection and abandonment. My focus became being acceptable to others rather than being true to myself, which came at the expense of my authenticity.

The Patterns We Inherit

Children often interpret situations through the lens of abandonment, even when the intention of the parent is not to harm.

My father was present at times, and I did have a relationship with him. But his absence in everyday life, coupled with witnessing my mother’s frustration and anxiety as she managed everything alone, led me to internalize certain beliefs about responsibility, support, and love.

It’s important to recognize that every child inherits patterns from their parents, whether or not those parents are physically present. Children learn not only from actions but from how caregivers love themselves, treat each other, and handle disappointment, struggle, and life’s challenges.

Even in two-parent households, children can absorb unhealthy patterns shaped by how boundaries are set, how self-respect is modeled, and how compromises are made

All of these experiences influence how we perceive relationships, understand boundaries, and form expectations of ourselves and others.

Taking Responsibility for My Healing Journey

I share all this so you understand my story is part of a bigger human experience.

The turning point came when I took responsibility for my own healing journey.

Therapy helped me identify patterns, but much of the work I did on my own through reading, journaling, breathwork, nervous system regulation exercises, and sitting with my fears.

I learned to face my fears instead of running from them. When anxiety whispered that something would go wrong, I allowed the fear to exist and observed it without judgment.

Slowly, I began to reclaim my life.

Healing Cultivates Compassion

Through this journey, I discovered something beautiful: healing cultivates compassion.

As I worked on myself, I realized that everyone I encountered was also carrying their own struggles. Understanding my own patterns allowed me to empathize with others in a way I never could before.

I learned to forgive not only myself but also those who had hurt me because we all operate from the experiences and wounds we carry.

My journey is ongoing, but I have learned that our experiences do not have to define us. By observing our thoughts, studying our responses, and sitting with our fears, we can begin to untangle the patterns that hold us back. Healing is not linear, but it is possible. And it opens the door to living a more authentic, compassionate, and fulfilling life rooted in self-worth.

To any woman (or man) reading this: know that your struggles are valid. Self-work and emotional healing are possible and deeply rewarding. Beyond feeling better, healing helps you love yourself fully, live authentically, choose yourself, set healthy boundaries, cultivate compassion, and engage only in relationships that honor your worth.

SHE Centre is here to help you.

Find your community at SHE Space. You were never meant to do this alone.

Under the SHE Journey Shelf, find downloadable resources and tune into The SHE Podcast to find yourself in someone else’s story.

Connect with our partner organizations who are ready to walk alongside you in this season.

Author: Stella Nthenya