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Women, especially in Africa, are expected to be strong, to bear it all, and to know what to do when it comes to motherhood. In 2022, a study by the National Institutes of Health showed that 24% of nursing mothers in East African countries suffered from postpartum depression. The most worrying part is that the majority of these women don’t even know that those lingering feelings of sadness, confusion, and anger are actually pointing to PPD.
Don’t get me wrong, babies are cute, they’re blessings, bundles of joy, and everything in between. But, for a first-time mom, life can turn into a roller coaster of emotions if you lack the right support system or you simply don’t know how to ask and accept help. So, if you’re a first-time mother trying to balance tears of joy and frustration, I feel you because I’ve been there. Let’s work through this together and enjoy motherhood.
Time To Go Home
This is where it all begins, when the nurses at the hospital hand over the baby to a first-time mother, assuming she knows what to do next. Well, even the new mom thinks she knows what to do, until she doesn’t. The truth is, nobody fully prepares new mothers for what follows after.
No matter how many books you read and how many tutorials you watch, having a fully dependent, fragile human with you in the house is a different ball game altogether. But don’t worry, it gets better with time. I’m here to share my raw experience of what works and what doesn’t work.
When we got our first son, we were elated. We felt ready to take on the world, I mean, taking care of a cute little being can’t be that hard, right? Wrong. I had helped take care of my nephew and niece before, but it wasn’t the same. There were countless diaper changes, washing a tiny baby, the unhealed umbilical stump, nighttime feeds, and so on. We had to learn fast, support each other, and receive help.
Tip: Don’t bear the weight alone. Seek help from your partner, a family member, a nanny, or even a trusted friend. The first few weeks are crucial. You need to rest, recover, and be in a good place physically and mentally to take care of the newborn.
Then Came Colic, or Whatever Causes Newborns To Wail Nonstop
As a first-time mom, this one almost threw me over the edge. Does your baby seem to cry nonstop while curling up their legs and clenching their tiny fists as though someone is piercing their belly from the inside? Experts say it’s gas trapped in the newborn's belly, also something to do with their digestive system adapting to oral feeding and all that. But the explanations don’t help much, especially when the problem persists even after following every piece of advice given.
The good news is that colic goes away after 3 months or so, and some babies overcome it faster than others. Again, a few hacks actually worked for us and made the situation more bearable. You can consider specific baby exercises and over-the-counter drugs to help expel the gas, as well as diet adjustments for you as the nursing mother to reduce colic triggers. Proper latching and burping the baby during and after every feed also helps.
Tip: Find out what works for your baby. You may need to adjust your diet by reducing or eliminating caffeine, acidic, and spicy foods. Watch videos on how to do newborn belly massages and leg exercises to help the baby expel excess gas.
Is The Baby Still Breathing?
Yes, this was me randomly waking up in the middle of the night to check if the baby was still breathing. Laughable, but a reality for most first-time mothers, more than we care to admit. The slightest whimper from the baby would wake me up, yet most of the time, he was just dreaming, and I didn’t really need to do anything about it. My maternal instincts kicked in at 100%, and what followed was anxiety, insomnia, and restlessness.
During the first few weeks, I was surrounded by help, but I didn’t know how to use it. I thought if the baby was awake, I had to be there taking care of him, even when my partner and other people could do it. That means I didn’t sleep well at night, and I couldn’t nap during the day. I experienced the early signs of postpartum depression: sadness, irritability, mood swings, and others, but thank God I sought professional help before the implosion or explosion happened.
Tip: Sleep, mama, the baby is breathing fine. If you have responsible people around you, let them watch the baby as you take a nap. Ask for help when you need it. Take your prescribed post-delivery medication and eat well. There’s no trophy for unnecessary suffering, and burnout is not a badge of honour.
Finally…
I cannot exhaust the ups and downs of motherhood, especially for a first-time mom, in a single post. But listen, this journey is not meant to be endured, but rather to be enjoyed. Cherish the toothless smiles and the cute, curious stares, often punctuated with random screams. There are good and bad days, but all of them create worthwhile experiences and teach us lessons we cherish for a lifetime.
With the right support systems and mindsets, new mothers in Africa and allover the world can experience motherhood more wholesomely. So, mama, you’re a heroine for growing a whole human in your body and bringing them to this world. You deserve all the help, and no one should shame you for wanting to catch a breath. Reach out, find a community, and enjoy motherhood.
SHE Centre is here to help you.
Find your community at SHE Space. You were never meant to do this alone.
Under the SHE Journey Shelf, find downloadable resources and tune into The SHE Podcast to find yourself in someone else’s story.
Connect with our partner organizations who are ready to walk alongside you in this season.
Author: Elizabeth Kanini
