The breastfeeding journey that nearly didn’t get started

Liz Kanini
May 5
7 min read

Updated: May 6

What I learnt from 7.5 years of breastfeeding (exclusive feeding, pumping, tandem nursing, and weaning)

I’ve finally stopped breastfeeding after 7.5 years, through exclusive breastfeeding, pumping, triple feeding, tandem nursing, and everything in between. I have three children and breastfed each of them for at least two years (and nearly made it to three years with my last, until I decided to stop).

In this article, I’m sharing what breastfeeding was like for me, what I learnt along the way, and what finally helped me wean. This is based on personal experience, not medical advice, so if you’re worried about your baby’s feeding, weight gain, pain, or your mood, please speak to your midwife/health visitor/GP or an IBCLC (lactation consultant).

1. Getting started: breastfeeding is learnt

Breastfeeding didn’t come easily for me at the start. Babies are born with a reflex to suck, but mothers aren’t born automatically knowing how to latch a baby. I’d assumed I would just know what to do.

I was lucky to stay in the hospital a bit longer due to minor birth complications after my first baby, which meant I had access to lactation support. If I’d been discharged after 1–2 days (as is typical), I honestly think I would have stopped breastfeeding.

In the first few days, I couldn’t work out how to get my breast into my baby’s mouth by myself. I kept pressing the call bell and asking for help, and when they arrived, they’d make it look effortless. It was frustrating and discouraging.

I also worried I didn’t have enough milk, but the lactation consultant told me I actually had plenty (maybe even too much), so they brought me a pump to relieve the engorgement. When my baby latched beautifully onto the bottle, it discouraged me even more… but I kept trying, and eventually it clicked. The first time I got her to latch on on my own felt like a huge win.

2. Latch and nipple pain: get help early

A deep latch matters. Aim for a wide-open mouth and as much breast tissue in the mouth as possible (not just the nipple). YouTube videos can help a lot.
Some tenderness can be normal at first, but ongoing pain is a sign to adjust something. For me, the suction felt strong and uncomfortable initially, but it shouldn’t stay painful for more than a few days.
A shallow latch (just on the nipple) can lead to pain and cracked nipples. One tip that helped me: brush your nipple across baby’s upper lip/nose area to prompt a wide gape, then bring baby to the breast.
If you already have cracked nipples, look into nipple cream/ointments, nipple shields (if appropriate), and support from a lactation consultant. If one side is too painful, try starting on the less painful side first, but avoid stopping breastfeeding or expressing completely on the sore side, because engorgement can make things worse.

3. Comfortable positioning (save your back)

Support yourself first. When I got home after baby number 1, I missed the adjustable hospital bed, so I used lots of pillows to prop my back and arms.
Bring the baby to the breast. Try not to hunch down towards the baby; that’s what strained my neck and back.
Experiment with positions. If one position hurts, try another (cradle, cross-cradle, side-lying, laid-back).

4. Milk supply: demand drives supply

Supply follows demand. Early on, I pumped to relieve engorgement, and I think that contributed to having a generous supply (your body responds to milk removal).
You don’t need a perfect “milk-boosting” diet. I didn’t follow a special diet. In my culture, we use bushera (millet porridge); I enjoyed it, but would take it anyway even if I wasn’t breastfeeding.
Hydration helps. Drink plenty of fluids (water, tea, juice), making milk is hard work.
Rest and support matter. My husband helped by burping the baby, settling them at night, and taking on cooking and cleaning. That support made a huge difference.
If you can, reduce your load. If family support isn’t available (especially in the diaspora), consider hiring help, or lowering standards for a season (clean less, simplify meals, etc.). Prioritise your recovery and sleep.

5. Co-sleeping (if it’s right for your family)

I found breastfeeding much easier when I was able to co-sleep. For me, the constant transferring in and out of a cot was exhausting. Once babies learn to latch more independently, side-lying feeding can feel like you’ve slept all night.

Safety note: Sleep guidance varies by country and individual situation. If you’re considering co-sleeping, look up current safe sleep guidance where you live and speak to your healthcare team if you’re unsure, especially if your baby was born preterm, is unwell, or if there are other risk factors. My youngest was preterm, so I kept him in his own bed for longer and only considered co-sleeping later.

6. Pumping, bottles, and storage

I started pumping in week 1 with baby 1, then stopped, and started again at around 2 months when I went back to studying.
I didn’t have a stash, and pumping never kept up with demand for me, so I ended up using some formula.
My baby also “reverse cycled” (feeding more at night and less in the day), which some breastfed babies do when you’re away during the day.
Pumping can be hectic. With baby 2, I only pumped a few times early on when engorgement was intense. Early postpartum, your body may make more milk than needed because it’s still establishing how much is needed, milk removal is what guides supply.
If you can and you want to, delaying formula until breastfeeding is established can make a big difference. With baby 3 (who was in NICU), they wanted me to give formula from birth, and I said no, we used donor milk. In the early days, frequent feeding (nursing and/or expressing) helps establish supply, even when it feels like “there isn’t much there.” Also, babies are often more efficient than pumps at removing milk.

7. Breastfeeding during pregnancy and tandem nursing

Breastfeeding during pregnancy: if you want to do it, you often can. There are a few reasons it might not be advisable, but many mothers continue safely with the right guidance.

Why I considered tandem nursing: it helped me meet both children’s needs, kept my older child settled during a big transition, and felt like a practical option for our family.
What helped: boundaries (who feeds when), lots of snacks/water, and reminding myself it didn’t have to be “all the time” to still be worthwhile.

One reason mothers worry about breastfeeding in pregnancy is the fear of preterm labour because breastfeeding releases oxytocin. In reality, lots of other activities, like sex, also affect hormones and uterine activity. If you’re low risk and want to continue, it may be worth discussing it with your midwife/doctor rather than stopping automatically out of fear (as I did with my first, earlier than I wanted).

8. Breastfeeding beyond infancy (yes, it still has benefits)

People may pressure mothers to stop, but benefits can continue beyond infancy.
Milk adapts: when a baby is unwell, they may get more antibodies; during growth spurts, they may feed more often.
Softer/“empty-feeling” breasts don’t automatically mean low supply, often it just means supply has adjusted.
As babies get older, milk can be more concentrated, small volumes can still be nutritious (a bit like how colostrum is tiny in volume but powerful).

9. Weaning: how I finally stopped

Breastfeeding is a two-way relationship, and it’s okay to consider stopping when you are ready. Before you stop, it can help to check whether there’s a solvable problem behind the urge to wean.

Pain (e.g., cracked nipples): barrier creams/ointments and latch support can help. If breastfeeding is painful, an IBCLC can be invaluable.
Breastfeeding aversion: This can be temporary (I had it during my third pregnancy, and it improved after birth).
Low mood during let-down (D-MER): Some mothers feel a sudden dip in mood right before milk lets down. It has a name, and you’re not alone.
Feeling irritable or angry: some mothers describe “lactation rage/aggression.” If this is you, it’s worth getting support and screening for postnatal mood changes.
Sex and intimacy changes: hormones can affect libido and vaginal dryness. If dryness is a problem, lubricants can help, and your GP can advise about options like oestrogen cream if appropriate.

If you’re sure you want to stop, you can wean abruptly (“cold turkey”) or gradually. Cold turkey felt traumatic for me with baby #1, a lot of tears, and it didn’t feel like a positive ending. With all three of my children, I found that night weaning first (around age 1) made everything else easier later.

With baby #2, I weaned gradually at around 30 months. I reduced feeds step by step — sometimes timing the feed and shortening it little by little — until one day she tried and nothing was coming out (I think she’d simply moved on!). With baby #3, feeding started to feel painful again because he was nursing so often.

After months of procrastinating (I hoped to reach age 3), I finally decided one night that I was done. I put a plaster on and told him it was “ouchie.” He kept checking for a few days, then asked less and less, and by around day 10, he stopped asking.

That’s all I have to share today, I hope you found it helpful. One of the biggest game-changers for me was co-sleeping (it’s culturally normal where I’m from, and it worked for our family). My mum showed me how to do it more comfortably at first: instead of fully turning side-to-side for each breast, she encouraged me to adjust slightly. For more evidence-based breastfeeding information, I recommend the KellyMom (https://kellymom.com/)

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Author: Dr (med) Cissy Atwine